Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Never let your siblings swipe right.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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