If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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