If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize