he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize