so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
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We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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