we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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