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someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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