When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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