Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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