doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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