The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize