They should really pass out barf bags in church
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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