Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize