Where are you?
In a non slutty way
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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