He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
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I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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