i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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