do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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