Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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