Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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