Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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