you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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