I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
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the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
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You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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