so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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