So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This couple is walking their pig around campus
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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