i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize