Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I am available for nakedness
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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