the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
What drink are we having for lunch?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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