So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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