Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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