Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
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What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize