Im at strip club and am horny
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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