Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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