Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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