I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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