god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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