Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize