oh god the rape fog is back!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
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The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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