My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize