we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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