i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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