She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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