I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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