Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
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woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
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I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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