Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
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People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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