I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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