Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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