it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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