She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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