i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Buhtt sex?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize