will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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